To forgive or not to forgive

There has been a discussion among my fellow hypnotists at HypnoThoughts.com about Forgiveness Therapy. Some interesting thoughts have come up in the process. Reading the discussion thread led me to this newsletter topic idea. This can be done without hypnosis, yes, but the addition of hypnosis or self-hypnosis makes it even more powerful.

As a Christian, I have a strong belief in the importance of forgiveness. Not everyone sees things the same way; people who have been hurt deeply by others in the past often do not want to forgive them because they feel that’s letting them off the hook. That it means you’re saying they’re an okay person and you shouldn’t remember what they did or take that into consideration.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Forgiveness isn’t about the other person so much as it’s about you. When you forgive someone, you’re not saying they did nothing wrong. By forgiving them, you’re saying that they no longer “owe” you anything.

When someone owes a lot of money to a creditor, the creditor can go after them with all guns blazing, taking them to court, harassing them with phone calls, sending threatening letters, or … they can forgive the debt. Factually, the debt did exist. They were owed money and interest. But because repayment couldn’t happen–maybe the debtor didn’t have the money because of losing his job–they chose to not waste time and resources trying to achieve something that was never–never–going to happen. Instead, they legally wiped the slate clean and said the debt was no more.

There are still consequences for the debtor, of course. But they no longer have a negative tie with that creditor. The creditor no longer demands anything from them. At the same time, they can’t necessarily go back to the creditor and request a new loan and expect it to be granted. That would just be silly.

When you withhold forgiveness, you’re acting like a creditor constantly hounding the poor guy who owes you money. Spending valuable time and energy on recovering the money, when the guy doesn’t have the money to give you. You can say the one who hurt you owes you an apology or needs to make it up to you or … but most of the time, that’s an unrealistic expectation. They either won’t apologize or can’t.

Move on with your life and let them go.

That’s what forgiveness is for. They’re still the same people that hurt other people. They’re still the kind of people that run up bad debt. But now you’re not wasting time and energy on a fruitless task. Now you can redirect all that energy into something more positive.

A Simple Process

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